Step 4 - Getting It Done
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves
Step 4 - Part 1
I really do remember how
scary it was to write my first inventory. I put it off until I was afraid
I was going to get drunk or use again.
My sponsor kept bugging
me, and even though there was another woman who told me it was 'too
early,' I knew I had to do it. So I gathered up a yellow legal tablet and
a cheap pen and when the kids were asleep sat in front of the fireplace
and tried to start.
Start, somehow
Finally, I titled the
blank page:
Anne's Inventory
and went to bed, knowing
I hadn't done much, but had at least done something.
The next day I tried a
complicated stab at it - I wrote a year at the top of every page back to,
as I recall, about 3, and tried to fill up the pages. It was obvious that
wasn't going anywhere and my sponsor suggested I check the Big Book.
Keep it simple
There, in Chapter 5, is
the outline for an inventory - and although it didn't make a whole lot of
sense to me, I worked at following it.
I wrote down my fears and
the resentments I was aware of at the time. As I recall, a lot of it had
to do with my ex-husband and money issues. And, of course, SEX!
After about four pages
I'd run out of things to say! I read it over and added another sentence or
two. I felt like I had written a lot, but I also thought I should write
more, but I honestly didn't know what more to write.
Maybe you're done
Finally, I called my
sponsor, sure he would tell me I hadn't done it the right way. Instead he
said, "maybe you're done."
That stopped me cold and
we talked about it a bit. He asked if I was aware of hiding anything and
if I had been as honest as I knew how to be. I was able to answer 'yes' to
both.
"Anne," he
explained, "over time you'll discover more, much more, but it sounds
like you've done a good job. Be grateful, go to a meeting, relax. It's
done."
Of course, he was right -
I had done my best at the moment. It was an honest effort. And over time
I've discovered much much more - in fact, that self-discovery goes on even
today.
The real point is to
write it down - the best way you know how in the moments you're writing.
Far better to do a short
but honest inventory than none at all.
Love, peace and
abundance,
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